My Emotional Struggle with Motherhood


aving a physical disability causes me to have daily emotional struggles with being a mom. Arthur-Ray is now a toddler.  He is lightning fast on his feet. Which has made me feel inadequate.  I struggle with dressing and diapering him.  

My husband and uncle have taken over these tasks.  I have become anxious around my toddler, I’m barely able to stand or walk. When he starts exploring I being to cry because I worry that Arthur-Ray will get hurt and I can’t protect him.   I know it’s all in my head and he is fine.  He always runs to me to give me the things he finds.  Last night it was my hair brush, make-up bag and deodorant.   

He loves to come over and chat.  Some words I understand others I don't I just chat along.  When he needs consoling and affection he climbs on my lap.  It hurts my legs but I smile and hug him.        

My husband Dan and Uncle Joey have taken over the house hold chores, preparing meals and being my support system.I would be lost without them but many times I feel like a burden.  I'm blessed that I'm still able to provide another income for my family.  Yet, it's a double edged sword.  Since I work I'm not eligible for a personal care attendant from the state and money is tight so I can't hire anyone.

For the past 18 months, my medical team and me are trying to get me back to being able to stand and walk without level 8 pain.  The treatments that we have tried have not been successful. I hold on to hope there is something out there that will help me soon.
If anyone knows of a medical professional that is a guru regarding Cerebral Palsy in adults, please write me.

I pray that when Arthur-Ray is older I will be mobile again and that I can bake him a birthday cake and make him a meal with out assistance.

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